Facebook & Morons

Hey, my names Jesus Christ. Not one of those Spanish kids who have the name, I mean, the original all-mighty Jesus Christ. Today I'm writing on this blog that I found on the internet because I need to deliver a message to you all. A bad message. To be blunt; the world is going to end soon. Shocked? Why the hell would you be? I've sent you looooads of signs over the past years that the world was coming to an end. Massive earthquakes, Justin Bieber and reversable socks...although to be fair, I guess they were sorta subtle, like me currently posting a Doomsday message on a unknown blog with 3 followers but whatever, "God works in mysterious ways" and all that crap. So yeah, I can't give a date to when it's going to end but it's going to be very soon. What's the cause going to be? Facebook Morons.

Through my all-mighty and all-seeing eye (When you get to heaven, you can lend it and have some fun.) I've noticed a horrifying trend through the site 'Facebook'. Yeah I know, middle-aged man with a long beard who uses Facebook screams "fucking hipster" but I only discovered it recently, before then I was on Myyearbook.com and me and the other 3 people who used it had alot of fun. Back to the problem though, "Facebook Morons" are morons on Facebook who post moronic updates and whilst you all *Sigh* and turn a blind eye to them at the minute, they're going to ruin the world very shortly and unfortunately, there's nothing you can do about it because it's progressed so far. Now with my all-seeing eye, I can see you're still a bit confused. Right, here's how.

So you have your moron on Facebook. As atypical with morons, a moron will usually have moronic friends. Also true to nature, a moron will post moronic updates. So here we are, the moron posts a moronic update. Moronic updates usually trend from a sentence on how bad the weather is or how they're so bored and think that us knowing that is a blessing to us all. Moronic update then gets "Like"'d by all their moronic friends because hey, a morons loves a moronic update! Original moron then grows confident thinking "Wow, all these people loved my update...if I stick to just doing these type of updates everybody will love me!" so moron posts more moronic updates. As more of these get liked, this will have two effects on two different types of moronic friends:

• The morons who were already posting moronic updates will then post more because no matter how moronic they are, morons will like them and the more likes you get on your Facebook = the bigger your penis.
• The morons who didn't really post status updates are now starting to think it's okay to post moronic things because people like them...and so it's like a field of mines. Once one gets set off, a chain reaction follows.

Then as all the moronic friends start to do what the original moron was doing, the trend then multiplies through their own moronic friends and so forth. By the end of the month, there are usually a thousand to two thousand new morons posting moronic updates on Facebook. The multiplication doesn't stop there though. As the life of the moron progresses, they will naturally attract new morons with their aura of moroningness. This effect will then start on the new morons and spread it to their group of friends. Sometimes a moron can find the common sense to go abroad and even spread their moroningness to different cultures, further spreading the moron infection!

As you can see from the picture I've painted, this will soon turn into an epidemic, eventually seizing the world in its grip. Although some people may also be thinking "But wait, I'm normal and would never either hang out with a moron or replicate a moron"...but oh you'd be wrong, the infection can attack non-morons too, turning them into horrible beasts! For example; look at Tarquin here.

Tarquin is a normal person, when he's on Facebook he's usually either doing productive group joining or posting interesting updates.

Unfortunately though, Tarquin isn't popular. His friends number on Facebook is as low as the white blood cell count of a Lupus patient.

Tarquin see's the moronic updates being posted by the moron and thinks to himself "Man...look at all those 'Likes' on their status...I wish I had those amount of 'Likes' on my status updates."

Tarquin then, after seeing that, decides to post a moronic update on Facebook to see if he becomes more popular (Remember kids; Number of likes = size of penis).

This works and all the moronic people he had on his friends list start to like it.

Tarquin feels popular and through the gush of euphoria, he decides to leave all his values behind and starts to post moronic updates. Soon the fellow morons are telling their moronic friends about Tarquin and his updates.


The morons then add Tarquin, feeding to his popularity and moron count to such a degree that he cannot turn back.

That's not the end of it though, in keeping with the "Moron has moron friends" rule, Tarquin had lots of normal friends when he was a normal and after becoming a moron, some of Tarquins friends who were just like him, start to see all his sudden popularity and the chain then continues.

So there we go. If you want to know exactly how this causes the world to end, basically society as a whole collapses because everybody turns into a moron. Morons then makes moronic decisions such as:

• Using the national water supply as a toilet.
• After catching on that people have died from the water supply, they then decide to replace their daily water with glass and decide to eat that instead.
• The government then realises this and signals a glass epidemic where all glass is banned in the country. This then leads to windows being removed and the whole older population dying from pneumonia.

And so forth. There we go, I've warned you all about it. Unfortunately for you lot, there's not much you can do about it right now. By the time it takes you to read this sentence, 25,000 moronic Facebook updates will have been posted and that number is growing by the day. So errr, I guess all you humans can do now is do what you do best about up-coming world disasters. Make a movie on it. Bye.